


The Voice in My Head (Tells Me You Hate Me)

by ashthephoenix



Category: Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 06:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10431474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashthephoenix/pseuds/ashthephoenix
Summary: Anxiety deals with some sensory overload and self-hate issues, and Morality and the others help him with it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Really I just wanted to write a character with sensory overload the same way I struggle with sensory overload, so I wrote this. I imagine that the personalities live in a slightly modified version of Thomas's house, the modification being that there are rooms for all four of them, and they can pop into the real world to interact with Thomas. The title sounds like a song title or lyric but really it's just the first thing that popped into my head when thinking of a title and I thought it sounded cool. This is my first TS fic so be nice!
> 
> This is rated Teen only because Anxiety likes to swear

People are loud, and Anxiety hates it. Not just in an angsty, people suck kinda way, but sometimes when there’s too much noise in a room, like when Morality is running the blender and Princey is singing loudly and Logic is trying to get him to stop, Anxiety starts feeling tense and overwhelmed and gets the urge to flee very fast, so he does. Nobody ever notices, caught up in whatever they’re doing to make all that noise, so it’s easy to get away. A little voice in his head loves to pipe up, telling him that they don’t care, nobody cares, he’s useless, he’s a burden, he can’t do anything right. He tells it to fuck off and blasts MCR. He doesn’t need it to remind him.

His system works just fine, until it doesn’t. They’re brainstorming ideas for Thomas’s next video when it happens. Logic and Princey get into an argument about something, Anxiety isn’t really paying attention so he’s not quite sure what, and start talking over each other, the decibel level climbing fast. Morality jumps in to try and placate them, and Anxiety knows he’s screwed. His brain is screaming “TOO LOUD TOO LOUD TOO LOUD” and he wants nothing more than to put his hands over his ears and make high-pitched noises until it all goes away. So he runs, like he always does. Well, runs metaphorically, he quickly pops himself back into Thomas’s brain, arriving with a small thud on his bed. In the absence of the noise and in the dark of his room, he feels incredibly stupid and childish, curled up in a ball on his bed like this. He knows that if he tried to go back it would be not end well, but it doesn’t stop him from feeling silly. He curls up in the fetal position facing the wall and prepares for a good old fashioned self hate sesh.

And then he hears a knock at the door. “Anxiety? You in there, kiddo?” Morality calls from the other side of the door.

He doesn’t respond. ‘He doesn’t really care about you,’ says the insidious voice in the back of his head. ‘He just feels obligated to fulfill his duty as Dad. Why would anybody care about you?’

There’s silence for a second, and he thinks the other man has given up, until the door creaks open. Anxiety curses himself for forgetting to lock his door as Morality creeps across the floor, light streaming in from the hallway. 

“Hey, buddy. Is everything okay? You disappeared on us pretty fast out there, we were worried about you.” Morality keeps his tone hushed, as if trying to placate a startled animal.

“Doubtful,” he says, snorting.

Morality reaches the end of the bed and sits down. “Of course we worried! We care about you, you know.” Anxiety would have something snarky to shoot back, but Morality raised his voice a little so he’s too busy flinching and putting his hands over his ears instinctively. Of course, Morality notices.

“Oh, now I see what’s going on,” he says, lowering his voice again. “Logic and Princey yelling at each other scared you, didn’t it?”

“I wasn’t scared, I was anxious. There’s a difference.” he shoots back, and freezes, realizing he’s been caught. ‘This is why you should never say anything. You just screw everything up.’ the voice says.

“You didn’t have to run, you could’ve said something. If something’s upsetting you, just tell us. We’ll fix it.”

He just snorts at that. Yeah right, like they’d care that much. 

“Hey,” Morality touches his shoulder, trying to get the other man to look at him, “this has happened before, right? You can trust us, you know.”

Anxiety sits up, turning. “Hah! Yeah right. The others don’t care about me, why would they? You’re just here because you feel obligated to, you don’t even like me! I don’t even like me, so why would anyone else?” Fuck, he hadn’t meant to say that. “Your positivity makes me sick, it’s pathetic, no wonder none of the others like you. Get out of my room!”

His voice had been continuously growing louder until he was shouting. When he was done he flopped over, having expended the rest of his already low energy supply. He had expected Morality to leave, thinking he had hurt the other man’s feelings enough so that he wouldn’t examine the rest of what he had said. He feels guilty for doing it, but he really can’t deal with anything right now.

But Morality doesn’t leave. They just sit there, tension so thick you could cut the air with a knife. After an indefinite amount of time, which feels like years, he pipes up in a quiet voice.

“Do you really believe that?” Anxiety opens his mouth, but Morality cuts him off. “Not the stuff you said about me, I know you don’t believe that, you’re just trying to make me leave you alone. I meant the part about us not caring.” Morality could be remarkably perceptive when he wanted to be. Anxiety didn’t bother to say anything.

“You know, when you disappeared, Princey was the first to notice. Stopped right in his tracks to point it out to the rest of us. You’ve never dashed out like that while with Thomas before, and we were worried. All of us. Princey wanted to burst right in here and do something heroic, but Logic and I talked him down. We thought it’d be best for me to check up on you, I am Dad after all.”

“I don’t believe you,” he mumbled into his pillow.

“I’ll be right back,” Morality got up, a smile in his voice. Anxiety could hear him walk to the door and stop. “Guys, come in here. Keep it down, though, he can’t take any loud noises right now.”

Anxiety turns to face the door and sees Princey and Logic following Morality sheepishly. “We’re sorry for eavesdropping, we were just worried about you.” Logic spoke up, not meeting Anxiety’s eyes. 

Anxiety is shell-shocked. They care? The voice comes back, but he ignores it, because for once he knows for once that it’s lying.

“You wanna come watch a movie with us?” Princey pipes up, “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” he added quickly “I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

Anxiety offers up a small smile. “I think I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk with me on tumblr @i-guess-i-write-shit-now!


End file.
